Preserve and Re-new
by hannibalsapron
Summary: "In all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver." One-Shot consists of infidelity with mild angst. Rated T for mild swearing. First Dan and Phil fic so please leave a comment, favorite, follow or whatever you feel like :)


In all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver.

It was a greasy Sunday morning when Dan's assumptions and jabs at the torn fabrics of their relationship had made sense. He had tried to patch it up with all he had and he tried so hard to make things right where they clearly weren't but nothing could stop him from finally realizing that as he sews up the broken seams, Phil tore it apart from the other side. And so, why, Dan would wonder to himself why he didn't ring Phil up and demand some sort of explanation of viral pictures of Phil with another girl getting too close.

Maybe it was sentiment, Dan would decide, eyes hovering above a dusty vent pouring out heat that never could really reach into his fingers. Phil was his first everything. He was his first confidante, his first best friend and his first boyfriend. Boyfriend. Dan paused, cheek brushing against the wall, it was weird rolling the word onto his parched tongue, knowing what it was supposed to entail. They consisted of two simple things, really. Love and loyalty.

And the photo frame which leaned against his table propped against an imitation of perfection, just seemed to be a daunting reminder that his boyfriend was a cheater. A cheater. Why? Plenty why. Plenty reasons, he would mean. But he has no time for self-pity when Phil comes back home from wherever he was when he wasn't with Dan.

He knew how Phil was, he was fickle whilst Dan was grounded, clinging tight to one opportunity only to let dozens of others fly by whilst claiming they did not exist. He knew Phil grasped tightly on the concept of abandonment, after all he was all false sweetest alluding to a dark mind. What Dan had hated more though, was how instead of shattering a moment's smile draped behind hard pressed glass, he had picked up to stare at Phil. He squinted hard, trying to find as to why he loved someone who lied and cast him aside. And he scanned all of Phil's imperfection, placing it in his own judgmental weighing scale, it was heavy and riddled with deception. A cheater was ridden with disgusting acts and infidelity but Phil-Phil in the picture was still happy.

Or Dan would like to believe he was.

He thumbs over Phil's face as if he's a ghost, and in a way he was. This Phil, though the same and never changed, was different in a light of ignorance in his part. Oh, where did they go wrong? The beginning? Most likely-

Dan jumps at the sudden ring of his phone and as he glances at the collar ID. He freezes and the situation becomes real again. Because Phil was never part of reality, he was all part of Dan's fantasy which in no means was perfect, but it was better than this.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dan, just calling to say I'm about to come home in about..5 minutes. But I can't stay long, got other plans to catch up."

Dan wanted to punch his phone as the bubbly words with no edge murmured against his ear, but he had to remember that his phone was pretty damn expensive.

"We had dinner plans."

"I know, I know." Phil rambles and Dan wants to scream back that he knew as well. That he knew what Phil was doing outside their apartment door. He knew. "But I promise I will cook an extra meal for you tomorrow, promise! Oh hey, look I'm here."

Dan could hear shuffling from outside their door before a jingle of keys and Phil waddles inside. He looked so fucking cute. That fucking cheater.

"Hey, got some of your cereal and these really interest Bohemian cactus plants which were at sale in Target!" Phil calls out from their kitchen.

Dan takes one last look at the photo frame of him and Phil with the slight ambers of a fire roaring out a window as the background. It was taken on the night after the fire brigade was called as Phil attempted to set up a mini bonfire for laughs. It was pretty horrible, but by the end of it, Dan was not on fire, so it remained alright. And if they're relationship were to be summed up, this would be it anyways. Nothing but ablaze.

He chucked it under his bed and stormed up to Phil, more like padded, because no matter what, he always felt kind of bad for scaring him.

"Don't you think it looks lovely?" Phil coos, placing the cactus on their window ledge.

"Sure." Dan clears his throat, causing Phil to turn.

"Is anything of the matter?"

"Not exactly."

"Well then,"Phil brings out an accomplished sigh, "I have to get going though. I already loaded our cupboards and fridges."

"Phil-" Dan begins and Phil cuts him off with a chaste kiss which felt like everything Dan ever wanted and everything that he hated.

"You tell me some other time though, I really got to rush, bus leaves in a few minutes."

"It's important."

"Yeah?" Phil hums, picking up a warm sweater Dan had given him for Christmas.

Phil turns and Dan feels a bit of a blood rush as he stares at how cozy Phil looks. And then he switches and sees him without his smile but within his actions and Phil, no matter what, was a horrible person. He broke everything that they had to fulfill his selfish thoughts and wants and he hated him. He hated him. He hated him…He wanted to hate him…

They stared heard at each other, and Dan wondered at that moment, if Phil knew how Dan knows about the hushed topics they never talk about.

"Never mind."

Phil waves off with a smile which made the ghost of tears flash against the mirrors of Dan's eyes as the door clicks shut.

But Dan knew best. He just couldn't let Phil go. He always knew Phil didn't need him as much as he did, but Phil was still there. And Dan wasn't going to let him leave on his account. Because that would mean going back to the way things were. No, he needed Phil.

Dan retreated back into their room and hesitated before bending down under their bed to retrieve the disheveled looking photo frame. It was clear that this wasn't the first time, but Dan picks it up and wipes it clean, assuring that it was brand new.

This was still them. Nothing was wrong.

Then he logged onto Facebook and unfollows all of Phil's friends because he doesn't need more insecurity. He didn't need Phil looking more distant than he does in his gut. Dan coughed into his hoodie and pressed his face against the ventilator, breathing in the smell of electronic warmth.

Because in all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver.


End file.
